30 Things I Learned Before 30
As I start this new decade off 30, flirty, and thriving I am filled with so many memories from my 20’s … a time filled of self-discovery, so much fun, change, and lessons learned! I went through transferring colleges, make up and break ups, starting my first big girl job, getting my own apartment, starting a new relationship, moving to a new city, buying my first car, starting my career, beginning my fitness journey, gutting a condo, bumbling my way through loneliness, moving back to Chicago, starting my own business, getting back together with my love, buying my first home, and now building an empire that I am proud of every single day.
There’s been so many highs and so many lows, but I truly wouldn’t change a thing! Looking back there are times that make me sad, happy, make me cringe, make me laugh, make me proud, and make me remember the lessons I learned, but they all led me to this exact moment – where I am supposed to me. They shaped me into the woman I am today and I am proud to know her, to be her. Today, I want to take you through a glimpse at the last 10 years and 30 things I learned under 30. You ready?!
I must say the beginning of my 20s were definitely the hardest years of my life.
Transferring colleges, dealing with a breakup, walking away from a division 1 scholarship, working through an identity crisis and experiencing depression and anxiety for the first time in my life we’re all things that I went through. I’ll never forget feeling so selfish for having these be my “problems,” but I was truly struggling.
You see before leaving for college I was one of the happiest go lucky humans you’d probably meet. I had the best friends, I was dating John, and I was going to be playing the sport I loved. When I left for college I felt confident in who I was and I felt like I was capable of whatever I wanted. After playing competitive volleyball for 10 years I made it to the collegiate level even receiving a Division 1 scholarship. I went off to college with the intention of “giving volleyball a shot” even though at the time I knew I was burnt out and didn’t know if I could commit to all four years. I arrived on campus, made great friendships on my team, put my best foot forward for the season but decided after a year I really wanted to have a “college experience.” I saw all my friends joining sororities and at the time I was dating John who would be going to a big ten school I had this major FOMO. While I was waking up at 6am for practice all my friends were going to sorority parties and seemed to be living their best life. After a year at Central Connecticut State University I decided I wanted to transfer colleges and give the “normal college life” a shot. I decided I would follow my oldest sisters footsteps and go to Miami of Ohio. Just like her I rushed a sorority and ended up getting into the same one as her and my other sister, Gamma Phi Beta. Transferring for me was a big adjustment in itself. No more 6am practices, no more study hall, no more team dinners, no more living in sweat pants, no more tutors, no training coach, no more camaraderie. Although I got into a sorority I felt like I truly lost my identity. I started to feel anxiety and depression for the first time in my life. I had this darkness following me around like a rain cloud I felt I couldn’t get rid of. Mind racing, constant crying, heart racing, it was terrible. At that time I really latched onto John because I felt like he was the only stable thing in my life at the time. I became really insecure, clingy, and honestly a little obsessive over him. Was part of this his fault yes, but mostly my own because I was desperately relying on someone for my own happiness in return which was pushing him away. After 2 years of dating, John and I decided to call it quits going into my junior year in college. I was honestly devastated and beside myself. I didn’t know who I was without him. He was my first real relationship that I put everything into and without him I didn’t know what to do!
That is when I learned ... never rely on someone for your own happiness except for yourself. I relied on him so much I truly forgot who I was. After we broke up, I spent a lot of time looking for validation in all the wrong places. I was really looking for a man to make me happy when all along I should’ve just taken the time to figure out who I was and to remind myself how awesome I could be just as me without anyone else. I was pretty, funny, whitty, but I never realized it because I was always looking for someone else to tell me it other than myself. As I continued into my junior year in college started drinking a lot to really cope with how I felt. Blacking out, drunk night eating, and Sunday scaries became a routine in my life. I no longer went to the gym and if I did it was maybe for 20 minutes on the elliptical. I was struggling a ton with yo-yo dieting, restricting, and starting all over again. At this stage in my life I was becoming a victim in my own life. NO one was doing this to me except me, but there I was wondering “why me, why do I feel like this, why is this happening” when really, I was doing this to myself!
After graduating from Miami of Ohio, I took on an internship at small marketing agency called Brand Connections. I worked there for 3 months doing event planning for brands like Yoplait, So Delicious, and a few other CPG companies. The gig wasn’t for me so I decided to apply online to an Account Executive role, at Mintel, a market research company. I interviewed for a few weeks and landed a job at their office in Chicago. The office was dope full of young people and was your typical 8-5. I was doing telesales so I honestly wrote a shit ton of emails daily, made lots of phone calls, and did a lot of web exes. Most days I was showing up hungover and sitting on Pinterest thinking “what am I doing with my life.” Although I was living in my own apartment in the city I felt so unfulfilled and felt like I was doing the same stuff every day and every weekend. One weekend my sister was having her 30th birthday party at a local bar and she invited me to come. She previously had told me about this guy at her CrossFit gym that she wanted to hook me up with but at that time I was still daydreaming of John coming back into my life. I showed up to the party and she comes running up to me telling me I had to meet someone. I walk up and introduce myself to the guy and from that point on we were locked at the hip. The next day after the party he called me asking to get chipotle and I was so confused. Mind you I hadn’t dated anyone for almost 2 years so I really didn’t know how to feel. I hesitantly said sure and ended up having so much fun. Again, I wasn’t used to people wanting me let alone calling me first. After the chipotle date he called me a few days later not text call and I remember looking at my sister being like “he’s calling again wtf.” I answered it and he asked me if I want to go ice skating that weekend and get dinner .. I was literally like “what the actual fuck who is this person?” I said yes and before I knew it we were going on adventure after adventure. Dance lessons, Sox games, swimming, jet skiing, trapezing, fancy dinners, we did it all. I was having so much fun but I didn’t know how to not have a guard up and I had a fear that I’d be crushed again. Despite how much fun I was having I still had lingering thoughts of John in my head. Would he ever come back into my life? Despite receiving some communication from him, I pushed my feelings to the side and tried to give it my all to this new person. Even though this person loved me so much at that time I really didn’t love me. I was having a blast but I was still dealing with this deep depression and lack of zest for life. He made me happy but I had to make me happy.
I was searching for happiness and decided that a new job would make me happy. I felt like a robot at work and I needed a change. Both my brother and sister had been in med device for a long time so I decided to follow their footsteps and search for jobs in medical devices. Stryker, was a company I had wanted to work for because I knew they hired a lot of ex college athletes. I started applying and applying and was going on interview after interview but kept getting denied. I decided to keep going forward despite all my rejections. One day I was sitting at work and a random number started calling me. I decided to answer not knowing who it was and lo and behold it was someone from Stryker who wanted to interview me. Instead of giving me time to prep he started going to the interview right there on the phone. I answered all his questions and at the end of the conversation he said “you know what MaryKate I think you would be a really good fit so I’m going to fly you out to Allendale, New Jersey to meet myself and the rest of the team.” I honestly was in shocked and was thinking “how am I going to swing getting off work.” He gave me about 24 hours to get off work and get on a flight so before I knew it I was flying to NJ and being picked up by a car service and on my way. I will never forget pulling up and crushing the 6 rounds of interviews. I met with him, the Senior Vice President of Sales, the Senior Vice President of Marketing, Product Managers, and HR. I got back into the car after about 6 hours and knew my life was about to change. I was so excited, I felt so accomplished, and felt like there was hope.
A few days later I was on the 135 bus on lakeshore drive when Stryker called me. The gentlemen said “MaryKate we’d like to offer you the job but there’s a catch ... you either have to move to Arizona, San Francisco, or Washington D.C for the job and were going to pay you $40,000” (mind you at the time I was making about $70,000). “I was like OK (long pause) ... I’m in",” and told him I wanted to move to Arizona. He subtly forgot to tell me that the manager in Arizona would have to officially hire me. I happened to be going out to Arizona that week anyways so we coordinated for me to meet the manager then.
This was around Easter time and my whole family had gotten the stomach flu except me. I arrived in Arizona and was laughing that I didn’t get it until I was decked out to go to my interview (think about it black suit, heels, hair all done) when I’m driving and all the sudden I’m like “oh shit I’m going to throw up.” I pulled over the car, got sick, and called my mom crying about how I’m not going to make this interview because I legit got sick all over myself. I had to call the manger and cancel the interview which looked extremely unprofessional. They were fine with it and re-scheduled for a few days later.. I legit laid in bed for days and finally felt better the day of the interview so I decided to lay out and catch some fun for a little bit. Our interview was at 2pm so I figured I had plenty of time. I’m at my friends house with just my bathing suit and cover up when the manager calls and asks me if I can actually meet them in an hour instead. Since I canceled on them the first time I refused to say no. I legit ran inside lathered in oil hopped in the car with my phone at 20%, ran into urban outfitters to find the most professional outfit I could, braided my hair, and showed up wearing the most heinous outfit, no makeup, and basically wearing nun shoes. The two men interviewing me were extremely buttoned up and I looked like a troll! I’ll never forget feeling like they were probably thinking “who the hell is this chick.” Long story short, I made the best of the circumstances, ended up getting the job, and moving to Scottsdale 2 weeks later.
I left my relationship in Chicago, my friends, and my family and started a new life!
Given that I was mentally going through a hard time I really wanted to change. I joined a gym and started exercising regularly and using MyFitnessPal to become more aware of my eating habits. My job was SUPER demanding and left little to no room for shenanigans aka I wasn’t going out and drinking anymore. I would have the occasional glass of wine but in the beginning I was so dedicated to my job that I didn’t want to mess anything up or be off my game so alcohol wasn’t really in the picture. The less I drank, the more I exercised, and the better I ate I started to notice a pattern and change in the way I felt. I was slowly but surely becoming a different person. The gym started to become my therapy. Movement became medicine. For the first time in my life I didn’t care about the physical side of exercise because my mood and ability to see myself in a different light was so enhanced. This was the first step in loving myself again!
I lived in Scottsdale for 3 years and during that time I was in a long-distance relationship, so it left a lot of time to focus on myself. I dedicated my time to my job (working 12 hours most days if not more, most weekends, and holidays), the gym, and myself. I learned to be alone. Being long distance was challenging, especially when my job typically came first. 3 years into my relationship it became time to decide whether that person should move to Arizona or for me to move home. I felt a lot of pressure having someone pick up their life and move to me, but I also wasn’t ready to come home. After 3 years of dating we decided to call it quits. The break up kind of blind-sided me especially how it ended … over Facetime with not much explanation and then was followed up with RADIO SILENCE for months. As you can imagine, I was very very hurt. I did love this person and gave them so much of my heart, so it did leave me wondering “why is this happening, I thought we had a future, why doesn’t he want me?” I spent lots of days crying in the shower, journaling to myself, and then jumped right back into the dating game because I knew I couldn’t let someone else’s actions control my emotions anymore. Of course, I wanted closure, but that wasn’t going to happen! It was really important for me to meet a guy that wanted the same things as me aka was interested in fitness, not much partying, had a good job, etc. and I really didn’t have time for any BS or mind games. I went on a lot of sober dates like coffee, hiking, brunch, doing things that I loved to do because why waste my time chasing some guy around at a bar? To this day, sometimes I don’t understand why women just don’t try to meet guys doing things they love. I had tons a fun and had a few flings but nothing too serious. During that time John and I would do your typical here and there texts but it wasn’t until the summer of 2017 that things started to get more serious. After years of not seeing each other in person, but a lot of back/forth texting I decided to put myself out there and ask him what he was doing one weekend I was in town. We decided to meet up for dinner and it was like time never passed. It had been 4 years since him and I sat down and had a sober talk. I was very direct with him that I didn’t have any time for shenanigans and if we were going to do this it was for REAL! Without going into too much detail him and I had a lot of years apart with too much gray area, which wasn’t healthy for both of us and being the person, I was now I wouldn’t stand to hurt myself anymore. You see, we are in control of SO much, but sometimes we forget that and we can CREATE our own problems and pain. This time was different, I told him exactly what I wanted, what I expected, and how I wanted to be treated. This is where I learned to KNOW my worth and remember that I am the creator of my own happiness, not someone else.
Luckily, this worked in my favor and he felt the same way so we slowly but surely mended our relationship and started dating again! We have been back together almost 3 years now and I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else. John has been my biggest advocate, cheerleader, listener, and really pushes me to be the best I can be. During our relationship I have lived on my own, started my business, quit my job at Stryker, got a new job, bought us our home, and accomplished so much because he allows me to. He wants me to thrive and he understands that my career is something that not only fulfills me, but fuels me. I am someone who is a firm believer in having your own identity in your relationship … of course you want to have things in common, but you should be different, have your own interests, and friends. That’s what I love about us. We are very similar, but VERY different, which makes us a good pair. I also believe you have to be FRIENDS with the person you are dating. Sure having a physical attraction to someone is important, but at the end of the day character, trust, communication, morals, and values should be at the core. I know it will not always be easy, but I am proud of the relationship we’ve built and I’m excited for what we have to come!
Of course, I can continue to write a novel about relationships, funny stories, lessons, career, and more but I think it’s most important to tell you what I learned throughout all these experiences. Here are the 30 things I learned before 30! I hope one of these if not more resonate with YOU!! If they do, please send me a DM and tell me which one ;) … I love to learn more about you and how we can relate!
1. You must love yourself before you can love anyone else
2. Self care is not selfish
3. Movement is medicine
4. Take action, or make excuses
5. There is NEVER a perfect time – stop telling yourself that. “It’s not the right time” really means “it’s not a priority for me right now”
6. Passion = purpose
7. ASK – If you don’t ask the answer is ALWAYS no. USE that voice and speak up!
8. Different phases, different stages
9. Time is your biggest asset
10. Being alone is ok, being single is ok
11. Don’t ever settle for a job, a relationship, a friendship, anything, period.
12. There is no timeline – you make your own. You’re not behind. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
13. You have the power inside of you, you just have to pull it out
14. Every time someone says no there is a yes around the corner
15. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have focus on what you do have
16. Your insecurities are usually stemming from within yourself, dig deep to acknowledge them, accept them, and move forward
17. Hard work always wins
18. Nourish your body, don’t punish your body
19. Relationships are a two way street -- If he is not calling you or making an effort to be with you, he is NOT interested.
20. Get uncomfortable – move, jump, leap, start, the worst thing that can happen is it doesn’t workout
21. Strong > skinny
22. Community > competition – there is enough to go around, let’s lift each other up!
23. Others judgements are usually stemming from their own insecurities
24. Stay in your lane
25. Don’t be entitled, earn your way
26. Don’t be a victim, instead of “why is this happening to me,” think “how is this going to make me stronger, what did I learn?”
27. Jealousy is the biggest thief of joy – celebrate yourself and celebrate your friends, family, coworkers, each other!
28. Little things can make you happy – a walk, a cup of coffee, making dinner at home, cleaning, singing, find your little thing!
29. Communication is key – people are not mind readers, communicate to them!
30. Everything in life is temporary – when it’s going good enjoy it, when it’s going bad remember it’s not going to last forever!
Thanks for reading babe! Love you lots! XOXO!!
